Failing my teacher training maths skills test was a blessing in disguise

As I sit on the train on my way to school in South London, I have eventually gathered the courage to write my next blog.

Let me set the scene. A year ago today, I applied to UCAS England to become a Primary Education teacher. At that time, my career direction was up in limbo, as I was not fully engaged with teaching the whole curriculum, rather I wanted to create a legacy in primary physical education.

Exactly ten months later, my body was filled with anguish and disappointment. This was mainly due to the fact that I failed my Maths skills test; thus preventing me from starting my P.G.C.E course (teaching training course) and from filling in another piece of my life journey jigsaw.

To top it all off, my girlfriend had passed both her skills tests and was accepted on to the same course. It was a horrible situation to be in. As much as I tried, I could not mask my feelings of hurt and confusion and found it difficult to support and be happy for her. Instead, I focused on gathering my feelings of sorrow and pushing them deep down in to the back of my mind.

Unfortunately, the wretched feeling of failure became too much, as I began to believe that society was looking down at me. While growing up in Ireland, I got the impression that you must sail through each life milestone that you come up against: you need to go to school to get to university; you need to go to Uni to get a job; you need to get a job to earn money; you need money to buy a house and material items such as holidays abroad and designer clothes. It’s awful to think that the culture that I was brought up in had shaped a part of my present personal identity and was subconsciously weighing me down.

It was during that time that I eventually opened my door of emotional perseverance, which resulted in my graduation blues eventually subsiding. The once slowly burning flames of my candle of faith were now growing higher each day.

After two successful teaching weeks had passed, I received an email from the St. Mary’s University Postgraduate team, where I had been accepted on to a Masters degree in Physical Education. Perhaps this was the key that I was waiting to find. The key that would give me a deeper understanding of the world in which I situate myself, in both a teaching and academic sense and that would later develop in to a domino effect of career opportunities.

Each experience we have in life, even if it is a negative one, positively influences our future careers, lives and selves. Failing the skills test didn’t mean that I was a failure. Although it made me question why I was put here on earth and if I was even meant to be a teacher, it was a ‘blessing in disguise’ as it allowed me to take more time to understand what professional career best suits me for the future, and it allowed me to take the time to show more gratitude towards my girlfriend.